Is my life going to progress finally?

So after thinking really long and hard about some stuff, I really feel like I'm wasting time just sitting around. I'm not in school, I can't find a job. Things are getting really tough for me. I enrolled into Laney only to find that all the classes we no longer accepting late comers. I feel so hopeless. Every time I get excited about school, nothing goes right. So I was thinking that I need to get into school as soon as possible and that could quite possibly mean that I would be going to Berklee College of Music next fall. I have until January to turn in regular action application and probably gonna audition sometime between January an March. I really hope I get in. It would make me really happy and I would finally feel like I'm not wasting time and I could get on with my life.

I was talking with my sister and mom about my plans yesterday and my mom didn't seem to happy about it. At first she started like putting out all these cons. You can't pay for it, you think you can handle moving so far away, don't think you're gonna get it, its possible that you wont..etc. And I kept presenting the pros and trying to show her how happy I was about moving forward with my life and she sorta just ignored me and started watching TV and then my sister started defending my mom saying that I shouldn't get my hopes up. That really pissed me off and I bet that I'm gonna get into that school one way or another. If not this fall then maybe next spring. I want to go to that school, its where I want to end up for higher education. Berklee is the place I want to use as the catalyst for my happy life.

Liberation and Taking Charge

So last night....well early this morning maybe around 2ish or so, I was watching Under the Tuscan Sun. I thought it was a good movie but in the midst of it for some reason I felt really really good. I felt like I had some revealation of how I want my life to be. I want to be able to walk around and be me. To not have to hide a huge part of my life from my family. I just want to be liberated from my life of solitude.

So I've been thinking about how to to reach my goal which doesn't neccessarily mean retired at age 30 with loads of money. Let me first tell you what one of my goals is. Ultimately I want to have a masters in Music Composition. My primary instrument will be handbells and I want to work as a Film Scorer. Thats what I want to persue and along with finding a partner that makes me happy and my family accepting who I am.

But now to work up to that. I definitely need to be in school but do I enroll in Open University at East Bay or do I wait until spring semester at DVC. East Bay cost 10 times as much as DVC and DVC offers the proper music classes that I could use when I transfer to Berklee College of Music. So the logical explanation is to go to DVC and I think that is what I'm going to do. I'm gonna work all fall and winter and start school in January. I have ample time to reapply and start off finally on the track that I want to take. So basically I'm excited and ready to take charge of my life.

I would love to write more but I'm on a schedule.